I Really Shouldn't Be Here--

I should be, in all odds, at a funeral service now. Mine.

I'm not sure what prompted me to call the EMT's to come get me from the backyard of the house. I felt a little tightness in my chest, but I just finished working on my son's car. Must have pulled something.

Got up and felt a little light headed. Big deal, hot summer afternoon, nothing a little cold water from the outside hose won't fix, chug down some water, and run the water over my forehead, should be right as rain.

Not.

I sat down on the back porch steps, and laid back and closed my eyes for a moment, and heard the voice in my head. "You are having a heart attack NOW. Call the EMT's NOW. No, you are NOT driving yourself to the hospital."

The next thought was a question. Do you want to live or die? Are you that tired of listening to the world and its bullshit that you want out? Your kids are adults, with the youngest married to a kind and intelligent young man with an excellent future ahead of them, and my eldest making headway, breaking new ground in his dreams and making a buck at the same time. All in all, they really don't need me.

My darling wife? If I live, am I sentencing her to a life with me, taking care of a fucked-up spouse? And if I die, I've no life insurance, so even though the house and everything is paid off, it would leave her in one hell of a financial bind. She's collect my social security as a widow, which isn't shit.

Hm. May as well stick around. Call 911 and let's get the show going.

Now, to the credit of all involved, you couldn't ask for better of the Milwaukee Fire Department and their paramedic/EMT units.These folks work as a team so damn well, they could re-educate the Packers AND the Brewers! No uncertainty or errors, everyone knew their part, spot on.

St Luke's Hospital was just as efficient, took the EKG readings, ran the dye contrast test, and promptly rolled me into the OR for triple bypass surgery. Not only were on top of their game, they even appreciated my warped sense of humor.

I get asked what I'm going to do, given a new lease on life. Not really sure, still making payments on the old lease on life. It's really tough to be philosophical when you're scrabbling to make a fucking dollar from many of the cheapskates here in Milwaukee.

The cardiologist has all but given me a clean bill of health, we'll see what the surgeon has to say in two weeks.

What made me think heart attack? Damned if I know, my symptoms were anything but typical. Almost brushed them off.

So, what do you do with a second chance at life, and why? Thoughts or suggestions are accepted, but not necessarily going to be applied.